Hawthorn chapter 3

My heart beats loud in my ears, ba-bom.

'N-no.'

It keeps pounding against my chest, ba-bom.

'No, I'm not gay.'

Ba-bom

'I can't be.'

Ba-bom, ba-bom

'It's gross, unnatural, sick and wrong.'

Ba-bom, ba-bom

'It's just not possible that God could damn me to Hell this way. I can't be gay.'

Ba-bom, ba-bom, ba-bom

'Was I doomed to this fate for having my surname? Was I destined to be "forsaken" from the start? '

Ba-bom, ba-bom, ba-bom, ba-bom

'Please Lord, no! '

Ba-bom, ba-bom, ba-bom, ba-bom, ba-bom

'I'm not gay! I swear I'm not! I can't be! It's not possible! I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!'

Ba-bom-ba-bom-ba-bom-ba-bom-ba-bom-ba-bom

'I never felt like this towards any guy before Derek.'

As soon as I think that, I come crashing out of my thoughts. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm suddenly admitting to feeling something for this guy I don't even really know! Stupid hypothalamus! Stop screwing with my endocrine system! Leave my hormones alone! Do you think this is funny!? Blasphemy is not cool.

It doesn't seem to want to listen to me as I'm still having impure thoughts about the Jew. Damn him and his sexiness…

…For the record, I did not just call Derek sexy. You're crazy. Completely out of your mind. He's hot.

I mean…crap. Forget it.

I groan and slam my head down on the table. The blondes are staring at me, but I don't care at this point. "Ryan, are you okay?" they ask.

"His face is pretty red," Grace points out. "Is he blushing?"

"I am not," I grumble, my voice muffled a bit by the table. "I'm just really angry because…because…" I dig around in my mind for an excuse. "I forgot to pray last night," I lie.

"Strange," she replies, looking back at the other table. "Derek looks pretty flushed, too."

I peek up at the bastard who put ideas of sin in my head to see that his cheeks and the tips of his ears are tented pink, but he seems to be locked in conversation with the pink-haired chick.

"Okay, so that's Derek," I cut in, trying to change the subject, "but who the hell is the girl he's talking to?"

"That's his adoptive sister, Fu Huan. The teachers at this school normally let Derek come into class a little bit late because she's blind and needs him to guide her around." Olivia stares at Derek in an irritated fashion as she explains this. "She doesn't seem to trust anyone but him."

"You don't like them," I state. "Why?"

"Oh, I'm actually not sure whether or not I like them. It depends on Derek's reasons for hating Dylan."

"Huh?"

She doesn't reply and instead pulls out her copy of the Book of Dhampyr.

I furrow my eyebrows. "Didn't you stuff that back in your locker?"

"I took it back out before lunch," she says, eyes glued to the thick volume. I kinda wonder how long she's had that thing because the pages are dog-eared and the cover is ripped.

The book did provide a great way to change the subject away from…Derek. "So what exactly is a dhampir, anyway? I know you told me they're half-vampires, but besides that. Do they have all the powers of vampires but none of the weaknesses or something? Immortals that don't need to drink blood? What?"

She closes her book. "The first thing you have to understand is that not all writers who write about half-vampires are aware of the idea of a dhampir, and even those aware of the term 'dhampir' have very different ideas about what they are. There was one hack writer who didn't know of dhampirs, and she believed that they were exceptionally beautiful beings that grew at a rapid pace until a certain age and then they stopped. Of course, this same hack believed that vampires had disco balls for skin.

"As for dhampirs as written by those who actually know of them, the concept of whether they have vampire-like powers or not is highly debated. However, a couple things that people generally agree on are that dhampirs have a shortened lifespan due to having no bones and that they are natural vampire hunters."

The words "vampire hunters" strike an idea in my mind that allow me to think of Derek without my mind…wandering. "So, saying that vampires do exist, do you think Dylan is a vampire and Derek is a dhampir?"

Grace bit her hand to try to stifle some very strong laughs. She's failing horribly, though, and I glare at her.

"I highly doubt it," Olivia says, "though, I'm glad you're thinking." She flicks her eyes up to my face and smiles. "But you're a really messy eater." She starts to lick her thumb again, but I stop her.

"I can get it myself, thank you." I pick up a napkin. "Where?"

"Left cheek."

"Thanks." I clean my face and think about dhampirs. I don't believe in vampires, dhampirs, or werewolves, and God protects me from witches and demons, but this is still a better and less sinful way to occupy my mind than thoughts of that man. "But we still think Dylan is a vampire, right?"

"Yeah," she says.

"Are there any other dark creatures lurking around here I should know about?" I joke. "Monsters? Warlocks? Witches?"

At "witches", Grace looks down suddenly. I can see she's starting to cry. "Are you alright?" I ask.

She shakes her head 'no', but says, "I'm fine. I just need a moment."

Olivia pats her on the shoulder and then motions for me to get up. "Here, let's take our trays up. I'll get yours, Grace." She and I pick up the trays and start for the head of the cafeteria.

"What's the matter with her?" I ask when we're out of earshot of Grace.

"Something she'll explain when she's ready to. For now, we just need to leave her alone. Dylan should be really glad right now that he went home."

"Why?"

Olivia bit her lip and a thoughtful expression came over her face. "He's very familiar with witches," she answered finally. I tried to inquire further, but I got no answers from her before lunch ended.

I head for my next class, Physics. The teacher tells me we have assigned seats, but it's the sort of assigned seats where you pick where you're sitting and that's your seat for the rest of the year. I can pick any empty seat except the one in the front row where Dylan sits. 'Crap, I have to see more of that bastard.'

So I choose a seat towards the back, and what do you know? Derek comes in seconds later, still shielding his eyes from the light. I follow him with my eyes and he just so happens to have the seat right behind me. And of course, it's too late for me to switch desks.

'Fuck. Physics looks like it's going to be the worst class of the whole year. Dylan and Derek? Can't someone just kill me now?'

Derek locks eyes with me and arches an eyebrow up as though he's heard my thoughts, but I know that's ridiculous. "What are you looking at?" I snap, though my heart is fluttering in my chest.

"You, obviously. Most people are more polite than to stare. Honestly, keep looking and people vill start to get the impression that you have a crush on me." He has a bit of a German accent to his voice. So he's a German Jew?

I narrowed my eyes. "Are you suggesting that I'm gay?"

"I'm not suggesting anything that your blush isn't suggesting for itself."

"I'm not blushing!" I screech. Everyone in the class turns to look at me, and whether or not I was before, I'm blushing now. I cough and say, "Sorry."

Derek chuckles behind me, and I shoot a glare over my shoulder. The teacher clears his throat and I look back to him. "Mr. Abandonato, Mr. Cooper, can you two please save your flirting for after school?"

Everyone laughs but me, and I can feel my cheeks burning. The distraction Olivia had provided earlier faded over lunch, apparently. A couple people whisper behind their hands, and I can see them point back and forth between Derek and me. I face-palm, not knowing what else to do in this situation.

Yeah, Physics is going to be Hell this year.

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When school is finally over, I meet Olivia and Grace out front. We joke and laugh for a while as we wait for some of the crowd to pass. After a while, Olivia waves. "Well, I better go. It's a long walk home."

"You walk home?" I stare at her with my mouth agape.

"Yeah. It's good exercise." She smiles and heads off.

Grace watches her go for a bit, then turns to me. "So, do you have a mytweetface account?"

"No."

"Good."

"I don't even have a computer. Back in Georgia, I had to go to my friend John's house every time I wanted to update the songs on my i-pod."

Suddenly, she's hugging me tight enough to make me loose my breath. "You poor, deprived child!"

"You're…crushing…me," I gasp.

She lets go of me and apologizes. "How do you survive?"

"I normally just do my work at school if I need a computer. No big deal."

Fu Huan steps out of the school, gripping on to the bricks of the building, her hood pulled over her head. Derek is close behind, but he seems reluctant to leave the school. He pulls an umbrella out of his backpack and opens it up before walking outside.

Grace and I can do nothing but stop and watch as they pass. Something about them seems extremely strange to me, and I can't help but shiver. Grace, on the other hand, appears unaffected. I don't know how she can stay so calm, when my heart is thudding in my chest. I'm not sure at this point if it's for the same reason as before or if that something strange is making them scary to me.

Derek meets my eyes briefly. It could've been longer, but I quickly drop my eyes to the ground. I can't bear to be around this man who can infuriate me and put vulgar images in my mind so easily. He walks on, and I keep my head bowed.

I'm not sure how long I'm standing there, but it starts to rain. I bid farewell to Grace and start for my truck, but she stops me.

"Be careful about him," she tells me. "He has looks on his side, but he's dangerous."

My cheeks are burning again. "W-why should I care about the way he looks?"

She sighs for reasons I don't quite understand and lets me go. I go to my truck, get in and drive home. Along the way, my mind can't help but drift to Derek. God, I'm just like an obsessed fangirl. I try to shake the thoughts away, but they keep coming back to haunt me.

Who is this man, Derek, who can turn my thoughts so easily?

I notice I'm beginning to drift towards the side of the road and correct the truck. Damn, I need to get my fucking head on straight. In more ways than one, at that.

I manage to make it home without harm and start my homework. I had more than I was used to in Georgia, but I put effort into finishing it all, with a few lapses in attention. I want to go to college today, and not just stay in a hick town all my life. My dad may have more money than my mom, but I'll still probably need a scholarship or two to pay for my education.

Dad comes home soon after I finish my work, so I watch him prepare fish for dinner. I wait for mine to cool a little bit before I take the first bite. When I taste my food, my eyes widen.

"What?" asks dad, worried.

My face breaks out into a grin. "You're a much better cook than mom." He beams and ruffles my hair.

I continue to enjoy my dinner quietly, but I'm still a bit distracted by Derek's power over me. He stuck with me all the way to before I fell asleep that night, and I very nearly meditated on the sorrowful mysteries instead of the glorious mysteries when I did my daily prayer on my rosary.